By: Marseeniah Lynch
I remember one afternoon after a long day of teaching, parenting, refereeing, cooking; you know, the never-ending list of “to-dos” we stay-at-home mamas carry daily. My patience was running thin, and it only took one more “straw” to break the camel’s back. And of course, here comes a child being that final straw. I flipped!
Yep, not one of my finest motherhood moments.
Right after, my inner critic kicked in: “So-and-so wouldn’t act like this. She wouldn’t flip on her kids. She would have handled it with patience.” These thoughts kept popping up, especially in moments when I struggled to balance my emotions. “She would’ve had a solution… she would’ve turned this into a teachable moment.”
The comparison became constant. And it was heavy.
I never felt like I was handling things well enough or being “good enough.” I carried the weight of not measuring up. It was exhausting and crippling.
In 2 Corinthians 10:2 the apostles Paul states “When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.” (NIV)
Paul calls it what it is: foolish. Comparison distracts us from God’s purpose for us. And in that moment, I realized I was being a fool. I was robbing myself of the joy found in living my own journey, the one the Lord called me to.
We’ve All Looked Sideways
I think we’ve all had those moments. Maybe you’ve compared yourself to the always put-together, Insta-perfect homeschooling mom with the “perfect” kids, the spotless house, and the chic decor. Or the mom who never seems to lose her cool, always patient, always calm, no matter how her kids act.
And sadly, sometimes the comparison turns toward our children. We place unrealistic expectations on them, measuring them against others, forgetting that God didn’t call them to be anyone else.
Even our spouses can get caught in the trap:
“So-and-so’s husband cooks dinner, helps with laundry, understands how much she does… why can’t you be more like him?”
Comparison doesn’t just steal our joy, it poisons our gratitude, distorts our vision, and disrupts our peace.
In the midst of that season, God’s grace found me. And He reminded me of a few simple but powerful truths.
1. Gratitude is a Weapon
I was so focused on everything I thought was doing wrong; what I lacked, what my family lacked, that I completely missed what God was doing right in my own home. I was too busy staring over the fence to notice the blessings in my own backyard.
Comparison had robbed me of gratitude. And that lack of gratitude had stolen my joy.
He called me to be more intentional:
- Celebrating my children’s wins big and small.
- Speaking encouragement into their hearts.
- Noticing the thoughtful things my husband does and trying to see life from his perspective.
That doesn’t mean we don’t voice our needs, but it means the motive behind how we communicate them changes. A grateful heart speaks differently, and it’s more likely to be heard.
2. Know Your Triggers and Guard Against Them
For me, that meant stepping away from social media. I don’t have anything against it, but I had to be honest about where my emotional weaknesses were being poked and prodded the most.
The highlight reels were hitting this mama’s heart hard, and I needed to guard it.
It may not be social media for you, but I encourage you to find whatever that “comparison space” is, and limit your exposure until you’re stronger. Proximity matters. We often compare ourselves to people we don’t even really know. Everyone has battles behind the scenes. No one is perfect.
3. Celebrate Small Wins
In our homeschool, I started setting short-term, achievable goals and writing them down. Seeing the wins on paper gave me something concrete to celebrate and thank God for.
I’d share them with my husband and our kids. It helped combat that looming feeling of failure and reminded me that we are growing, even if it’s slow.
Instead of scrolling, I started learning. I got comfortable with the thought that there is always room to grow. I checked out books from the library about motherhood, homeschooling, entrepreneurship; It gave me time to rediscover who I am.
Sometimes we compare because we’ve lost sight of our own reflection. We give so much of ourselves away that we forget who we are.
But God reminded me:
“You are mine. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. I will complete the work I started in you.” I just needed to rest in Him, not strive to be someone else.
Stay in Your Lane
At the end of the day, these are your children for a reason. You were handpicked to be their mom. What God is working in you is for them, and for others you’ll touch along the way.
It’s okay to admire others. It’s okay to learn from them.
But when admiration turns into comparison, when we start looking sideways instead of upward, we lose focus. Our hearts become resentful, ungrateful, and even bitter.
But God desires better for you.
He’s paved a unique road just for you and your family. No one else is called to walk it the way you are. I pray you will:
Choose gratitude.
Choose joy.
Keep your eyes upward, not sideways.
Your strength comes from the Lord
“We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us…”
Romans 12:6 (NIV)
How has comparison affected you in your motherhood journey? Share what your “comparison space” is in the comments.
