No one prepares you for how consuming motherhood truly is. We try to picture it. We try to get ourselves ready. But ultimately, there are parts of yourself that drop pretty low on the priority list once you become a mom.
Quite honestly, when you’re in the trenches of the newborn phase or when you’ve got several very little ones, a lot of parts of yourself drop very low on the priority list. Things that have always seemed like basic life needs: sleep, hygiene, privacy… gone. During that time, you’re just working hard to keep your head above water. You’re in survival mode and, in those few weeks (or months, or… you know, years), that’s ok. But as the kids grow up, as you settle into the new phases of toddlers and preschoolers, you have a choice to make.
So many of us fall into the trap of having extremely high expectations of ourselves as moms. This is expounded when you choose to homeschool your children. You just have to give them the best experience ever – you did pull them out of the standard system in order to give them what is much better after all. So you try to do it all. You create to-do lists, make systems for laundry and meal prepping, establish beautiful traditions and do it all with a smile on your face. Right? … and then it hits you. You just can’t. You feel like a failure and question yourself over and over. You go to sleep with a broken heart and wake up to take another jab at it tomorrow.
As the days go by, there’s someone being lost in the waves of life: you. You’re making room for this new you that manages the household and runs the show. And though that new version of you is awesome, the old you is not gone. She sits in wait to be remembered and addressed. She still loves poetry or volleyball or music. She still really benefits from time with friends or a quiet hike or a paint night.
Now I know this isn’t easy. There are responsibilities and dishes. You are a mom and a wife among so many other things. The lists are endless. But don’t make my mistake Mama. Don’t sweep your old self under the rug hoping she’ll just quietly stay there. Find her, sit with her and accommodate her. Even if it’s in a small way. She doesn’t ask for much. Because when she is smiling, your day runs oh so much more smoothly.
I’ll make this easy for you. I love actionable steps. So here are some for you.
- Find a half hour of time alone – this can be after the kids are in bed, in the morning before they wake up or when your husband, mom or babysitter can be with them.
- Grab a sheet of paper and write your favorite Scripture verse at the top to set your heart on God and submit your will to His.
- List 5 activities you enjoyed as a youth. Did you love to paint, dance, write? Did you enjoy time in nature, time in solitude, time with friends? What were ways you escaped the world when you were in college or university?
- Cross out 2 of the 5 activities that are either unrealistic (ex: backpacking for weeks in Europe), no longer enjoyable to you (ex: doing nail art) or are just not as important as the others.
- Consider the 3 activities you’re left with and research some ways on how to make any of them more practical for your current life. For example, if you loved volleyball, can you find an evening volleyball pickup near you that takes place after your kids’ bedtime that you can go to each week? Or if you really enjoyed time in nature, can you look up a forest school program to enrol your kids in and make it part of your homeschool?
- Based on your findings, choose at least one item from your list that you can add to your life right now. Again, be reminded that this will not be easy. There will be an annoying voice of guilt in your head telling you that this time can be spent catching up on laundry or flopping on the couch for some recovery time before tomorrow. But Mama, if your soul isn’t fed, other areas in your life start to suffer. Push yourself because starving yourself is not wisdom or strength. I learned that the hard way.
- Commit. For at least a couple of months, make an effort to be consistent with your new plan. If you’ve decided to go to Pilates every Tuesday morning, don’t quit after the first session leaves you feeling sore and guilty. Stick to it for a bit.
This is possibly one of the hardest things to do as a mom: make a little time for yourself. But making a choice on this can make such a difference – for better or worse. You are doing such worthy work Mama. Take the time. Play the game. Make the art. If for nothing else, remember that little eyes are learning how to respect their own needs and learning that when they are adults, there will still be fun things to do and look forward to.
What are some ways you’ve learned to feed your soul?
